When the real you returns

There are times in our lives when we believe the lies that we tell ourselves about ourselves. I will give you a personal example, I for a long time thought of myself as someone that could be loved and left. Now mind you this was a deep seeded physiological defect that was engrained me and affected every relationship that I had. I was always drawn to emotionally unavailable people men especially. I had life happen to me as we all do and I learned to compartmentalize most of it. I am especially talented at compartmentalizing emotionally painfully items in my life. Then I meet someone that showed me my true self. He showed me the real me that I thought existed but never truly believed in. It was not until I deeply hurt him that I was able to see the real me. And I surprised me not because I was the bad and unlovable person that I lied to myself about  but I am a really wonderful person who needed to forgive herself for all of the hurt, guilt, and shame that I was carrying ALONE for so long. 

That barrier that kept the real me from emerging and growing was my own unforgiveness of myself.

See the saying forgive others never takes into account forgiving yourself.

Forgiving yourself for all of the bad decisions that you made.

Forgiving yourself for situations that you were in that were in no way under your control.

Forgiving yourself for feeling a certain way about people even when you knew better.

Forgiving yourself for carrying a burden that you were no longer to bear.

The most important forgiveness that we can give is to ourselves and then we must be honest about what we are forgiving ourselves for. It’s not just enough to say I forgive myself for loving the wrong person, we must say I forgive myself for not believing that I deserve a great love that this person could not give me. It is critical to always look at the root of an issue because it never an blanket statement, it’s always a false idea that is the seed for all of the destructive, toxic burdens that we bear.

But please know that this can all change and you can once again meet if not for the first time the real you. The you that knowingly deserves love, mercy, and grace. No matter what the situation(s) that have come up in your life the real you will always return. You just have to be open to believing it and if that person is not the person that you truly want to be it is ok because forgiveness can truly change anything. Be open to the real you and know that it is enough. 

The Impossibility of It All: Done

The Impossibility of It All: Done: Done, when are you ever truly done?  When is it enough for you to say it is over and you have to move on? There are many times when...

The Impossibility of It All: Done

The Impossibility of It All: Done: Done, when are you ever truly done?  When is it enough for you to say it is over and you have to move on? There are many times when...

Done

Done, when are you ever truly done? 

When is it enough for you to say it is over and you have to move on?

There are many times when we say we are done with something only to pick it up later that day or even the following week.

There are connections, pulls, associations, comforts that are not truly good for us and in many ways hurt us but we continue with them because of habit, obligation, or even routine.

Those routines stalk us, haunt us, and in many ways control us in to becoming that which is not best for us or not becoming that which we are destined to be so we must decide that we are truly Done.

To be truly Done with something or someone we must decide that we are worth more than the situational pain that is currently being experienced. It is and will always come done to our worth. Our value that is above the discomfort and pain that we will feel when we break free from that which is not best for us.

To be Done we must risk the “other side” of things. The side that is different from where we currently are and is unknown.

Will we be ok on the other side?

Will we be able to go on, on the other side?

Will we be able to move past the past, into the present, and press into the future?

Are we really truly worth the risk that we are about to take to be Done? To be happy, to be whole, to be healthy, to be free.

That is a difficult question if you give it an option to be a question instead of the statement I AM WORTH THE RISK.

You are worth the risk, so be Done with it and be free.

The Impossibility of It All: Is everyone having a fantastic life but you?

The Impossibility of It All: Is everyone having a fantastic life but you?: If we gauge success by what we see on social media, television, certain neighborhoods and some print, we would think that mostly everyone be...

Is everyone having a fantastic life but you?

If we gauge success by what we see on social media, television, certain neighborhoods and some print, we would think that mostly everyone besides us have a great life, more money, and less problems than us.

If we gauge others external displays as a basis for our internal expectations then we will always pull the short straw. With all of the Housewives, Love and whatever, etc. many people are putting their lives on display to show how great they have it and how much better their lives are. The travel to exotic places, get invited to the best parties, and get tons of free expensive stuff. All in the name of “celebrity”. Yet is all the glitter gold or fool’s gold?


Are their lives really so much better than ours?

Is the life they lead really the life that we want?

For some the answer is yes. For others the answer is I do not know but some of their money would help me out a great deal.

With others’ lives comes others problems. Our problems are the ones that we can handle. Are we really prepared to handle someone else’s?

The greener grass may be artificial turf covering up swampland. You never truly know what is going on in your neighbor’s house and many times, you really do not want to.

The falsehood of comparing ones’ life to that of another is an act of crazed futility. There will always be someone better, smarter, faster, richer but when you compare yourself to your former self now that is a comparison that is rooted in growth and promise.

When you compare who you are now to who you were then, are you a better version of you? If no, then why not?


Where you so busy comparing yourself to the outside world, you have failed to do what was necessary to improve you. When you focus on what you need to do be a better you, to get yourself in a better situation, then you become “The Jones”. You become that which you aspire to be and obtain the things that you have always desired. Then you can truly look at yourself and say I am having a fantastic life instead of falsely believing that everyone else around you is. 

How do you stop Fear?

How do you stop fear?

How do you stop the paralyzing anxiety of the bad that may nor may not happen?

How do you trust that will all work out for your good?

How do you wait purposefully while all appears lost?

Those are the fear-based questions that I asked myself today. The answer is quite simple I yelled, cried, and kept going. See fear is something that never quite goes away. It is always on the horizon looking for ways to steal our joy, love, and hope. The only true way to combat it is to go through it. I had to confront my fears head on and find their true root cause.

What was my fear really based on?

Was I truly afraid of the possible outcomes of the situation or was it something else?

I know it was something deeper rooted and more sinister. It was my fear of lack. See humans are fearful of many things but the main ones are fear of poverty (or as I like to call it a fear of lack), fear of ill health, fear of loss of love, fear of old age, fear of criticism. At one point and time, most of us have dealt with all of these maybe all at once if it was a particularly bad week. There are things that life throws at us that we can either take or reject and fight tooth and nail. Despite the fact that I have fought most fears the ones that consistently return are the fear of lack and fear of loss of love. Of those two, the fear of lack is my most pressing. I have to be conscious of the thoughts that attempt to take root and make sure that the fear is not bigger than my dreams and possibilities.

There is strength in understanding your fears. It is important to know where you fears are coming from in order combat them. Stopping them is not your ultimate goal. Your ultimate goal is to know why you fear. Why are you fearful of the move from an apartment into house? Is it the commitment to a mortgage or a fear that something may happen that will hinder you from paying the mortgage? Notice the difference in the questions, the first one is fear based and the second one is root based. The second question gets to the fear of poverty that something may happen that will stop you from being able to pay your bills and you could possibly become homeless. It is not just you; it is you, your children, spouse, and/or other family members. Those all compound the fear of poverty. You began to focus on the possible worst-case scenario because it could happen. That is true but the best-case scenario is also possible and more than likely more probable.

We all deal with things that are so important to us that the fear of loss of it begins to consume us and take the love and joy we should have away. Yet how do we stop it. We first must acknowledge the fear and figure out the root of the fear. Where is the basis of the fear, loss of love, poverty, death, disease, etc.? Once we know the root, we can recognize that our experiences do not have to be our future. We do not have to give it the power to dictate where lives can and will go. There are many things that are beyond our control but we can control the thoughts that we give life to. We can either choose to give life to our fears and anxiety or to dreams and possibilities.

Fear only has the power that we allow it to have. Fear like anything that grows, has no choice but to die if it is not nourished and cultivated it. So make the decision to acknowledge fear for what it is, a weed that needs to be feed. Choose this day and every day to feed your dreams and desires and make them bigger and deeper-rooted then your fears. So when your fears come they have no sun to bask in and die. 

I Buy Books from Dead People

I buy books from dead authors. What does that mean you ask? It means that there is no competition in the mind of abundance. Mark Twain does not tweet, Shakespeare does not have a LinkedIn account, Wallace D. Wattles does not have a like page on Facebook but I purchased books from those and other deceased authors either because their work (content) is something that interested me or something that I need.

It is easy to say that famous authors dead or alive will always be in demand because their work(s) is popular but that was not always the case. Take for example Samuel L. Clemens aka Mark Twain, he was flat broke and in need of a job when he began writing stories which depicted his distinct writing style. Once he shared what he know and what he loved, his works were well received and widely published. Though he had his own demons, which later affected his work, Mark Twain did not concern himself with the popularity of other writers versus himself he wrote about what he liked and thought was important to him. Another author Wallace D. Wattles (many of you are probably unfamiliar with him, he is considered the father of New Thought) had very little education yet studied the writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Jesus, and many others he thought were significant. He turned his study and personal practice into what is known as New Thought. Many of his teachings and principles are found in current self-help books. He never saw himself in competition with say the likes of Emerson but in a purpose and service to the world.

By examining just two or three authors (deceased if possible), that you have read and like you could find the same correlation of having something to say that appeals to an audience versus what is popular or competitive. When you have something to say your voice will find an audience. For some it came close to or after death. For others it may have come later in life or after living a rather hard life. The most important note to take is that they did not write in fear of competition. They wrote because they had something to share. It was something that was within them that was compelled to come out. That goes for anything thing in life, a new business, a new product or service, a new career. Whatever is within you that is trying to come out, it is because it has something to say. Find your voice, listen to it, and trust it.

If you still are unsure then look at someone or business that is doing what you like or want to do. What makes them stand out? What are they really offering? If the answer to those two questions seem beyond your reach at this point then know that they didn't start there, they started exactly where you are, as an idea they wanted to share with the world. Now if you still cannot see it I will leave you with this, Apple and Microsoft. They both started in a garage with college dropouts. Now get to work, you have a voice that needs to be heard, the only true competition is with your fear.

DREAM BIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream Bigger

I heard a key piece of information that has stuck with me, paraphrasing it is this, “Your dreams have to be bigger than your fears”- Steve Harvey. That phrase comes from his book Think like a Success, Act like a Success. I have to say that I was a little weary of a self-help empowerment book by Steve Harvey but after reading it, I must confess that I am a convert. It was very poignant and easy to read. Even though I had been reading other books about how to cultivate your mind for success. This book gave me one of my biggest lessons, Dream Bigger. Many of us do not accomplish nor even attempt to accomplish our dreams because of fear, fear of lack, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and so on. There can be millions of reasons why we should not even try but if the dream is so much grander then the fears, it does not matter.  

Many times we cultivate a dream based on what we believe is real enough to accomplish. We dare not dream of something so huge and grand that it would literally take a miracle for it to come to pass.

Why not shoot for the sun and end up on Mars?

What is wrong with that grand dream?

When we were children, we wanted to be a firefighter, a ballet dancing, and a truck. Well maybe we cannot be vehicles but why not a firefighting ballet dancer. We did not have limitations on the dreams that we created and the people that we wanted to be when we were children. It was not until either we were told what we could be and do or what we were supposed to be and do that the limitations and possibly death of our dreams started. Those limiting thoughts did not just rest with our dreams it also arrested our growth and development for the greatest version of ourselves. It could have started from external forces, environment, parents, etc. but at some point it became internal and we started to remind ourselves of what we could and could not do. But that F.E.A.R (False Evidence Appearing Real) can be defeated and stopped in its tracks if we just dare to DREAM BIGGER.

How is that possible you ask, it is too late, I am too old, I have kids, I do not have enough education, etc. Nevertheless, are any of your excuses permanent barriers that cannot be overcome or a help in you fulfilling your lifelong dream? A dream that you thought was long dead and way out of your reach. Well I am here to tell you that there is no such thing. I am a living testament to that. For those of you that know me personally know that when I want something I get it. It does not matter what it is or in past tense if, it was even good for me. I put my mind to obtaining it and let nothing stop me not even myself because my dreams or end game as I sometimes call it was so much bigger and better than my current situation that there was no fear to overcome, it was too small to matter.

At this very moment I have a humungous dream that many would say I am crazy for thinking or there is no way. I will not share at time (That is another lesson about not sharing your dreams with everyone). The reasons why it cannot and will not work, the fears of it not working are so minimal that they do not even matter to me. All that matters to me is this place and time that I know in my very DNA exists for me and nothing can stop me because I am magnetic and it is drawn to me by my sheer will and force. Those are the types of dreams that you are supposed to have and cultivate dreams so big and powerful that they are forced to materialize by your magnetic desire for them with in reason of course. Your desire to be president right this moment may be slightly delayed until the next election.

Instead of just dreaming for a good job, dream for your dream company, where you can do what you love to do and be paid for it.

Instead of dreaming for an executive position, dream for your own empire.

Instead of dreaming for a paying gig, dream of being the most sought after artist of our time.

Erase the lid from your thought pattern and DREAM BIGGER. It does not cost anything to dream big, the best thing that could happen is that you get more than you could have imagined, the worst thing that could happen is that you get exactly what you expected. Like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”.

DREAM BIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Start at the end of the “if then”

Many of us try to imagine what our lives will be like if and then. Yet what is the purpose of the “if then”? Is it happiness, contentment, peace? What purpose does it drive to? What is your end game?

Let us see if we play the “if then” game what result are we likely to get. Begin:

If I had more money then I will be happier.

Really, why?

Because I will be able to have a better life.

Why will you have a better life?

Because I will be able to get out of debt and afford the things, I want.

Will more money really get you out of debt or just create new debt?

Not sure maybe

Will the new debt make you happier because it financed what you wanted?

Probably not

So you will start back over with if I had money to get out of this debt then I will be happier?

I guess so

So if happiness is truly, what you want, then what is it that truly makes you happy?

That is the correct question. If we start at the end of the “if then” statement then we truly understand what it is that we are requesting. So now, let us start at the end. Begin:

What will make me happier?

Getting out of debt

What do you need to get out of debt?

More money

How can you get more money?

A new job, an additional job, a raise, the lottery

How would you like to get more money?

I actually would like to start my own business

So what is stopping you from doing so?

Many things… money, education, connections, time, I am not sure it will work

Are any of those things impossible?

No

Then start

This example gets to the heart of the “if then”. Once we figure out our end game, what it is that we really want. We can focus ourselves on achieving that goal. It may be daunting but it is never impossible. Get to the end of your “if then” and start from there.

Always remember to Dream Bigger!

My Unbelief in the Impossibility of It All

There was once a time when I thought all things were possible. There were no limits on life, no limits on what I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be. Then something changed, what, what was it that made me change my mind and believe in limitations and impossibilities. It could be attributed to others, my family, my church, my teachers, and it even life itself but why should that be? Better yet why did I believe that I could not do and be certain things? FEAR! fear created a ceiling in my belief system that created more weight and value in impossibilities than the absolute that possibility of everything that can be and will be created. I had to come to an awareness and understanding in my own fears and what their basis was. I had three basic fears that all of my limitations were based in, fear of rejection, fear of poverty, and fear of lack. Now the later two may appear the same but they are actually not. Even though lack and poverty are based in limitation, poverty is more correlated to finance and lack could be correlated to everything, finance, ability, love, etc. In understanding the basis of my fears I had to address them and look at them for what they were, it was a train of thought that had to be derailed. I was on a path of understanding my purpose and creating and cultivating a correct belief system in the ever possible. Now don't get me wrong I am not completely immune to those fears but I no longer give them fuel and purpose to grow. I cut them out as soon as I feel them trying to ruin my life. Yes, I take them as serious as death because the life they create is death. It does nothing but infest lack and limitation and derail the purpose driven life that I now life. There is now a place within me where my disbelief in the impossibility of it all lives and thrives. I believe that the greatest things within us are possible and more so probable. It is all probable if we believe because we believe, thus removing our belief in the impossible.